What is the Right Age for Marriage?

I was thinking about this yesterday. When I got married I was 19 and my husband was 23. We had "dated" since I was 14. I was actually not allowed to date until I was 16 so we became "boyfriend and girlfriend" when I was 14 but we only really saw each other at school, church, or with our families around. I could not ride in the car with him until my 16th birthday and by that time he was 19! I was so frustrated by that at the time, but now 15 years later (and with 3 daughters of my own) I understand my parents reasons.

When we got married I heard a lot of comments about how we were so young to be getting married. My mom was engaged when she was still in high school to my dad so there wasn't much she could say that I was going to listen to. It had worked out for them.

I can't say that our marriage has been perfect. We have faced a LOT of struggles. Some from my husband and a lot from me. There were several months a few years ago when we weren't sure that our marriage was going to make it. But with the help of God, family, some good Christian counseling, and a lot of study on God and marriage, we have turned things around.

I can see some areas that had we been older when we had met and married might have been easier, but even with the struggles that we have been through I can honestly say that I don't think there is a magic age for marriage. The quality of a marriage and chance of a marriage surviving have nothing to do with the age of the couple getting married. But I do think it has everything to do with maturity and hard work.

I wish that every person who commented about me being "young to get married" would have instead spent that few seconds giving me guidance or a piece of advice or recommendation. We attended premarital counseling at our church, but looking back it was mainly talking about budgeting and who was going to complete what household duties. There was a little about communication, but overall not much help. And once we were married the counseling stopped and our meetings with our mentor couple that we had been assigned were finished.

I wish that I could go back and instead of spending so much time planning my wedding, I would have spent that time planning and working on my coming marriage! I would recommend to any woman getting married or who is already married the following books :

• Becoming the Woman of His Dreams By Sharon Jaynes
• The 5 Love Languages By Gary Chapman
• Sheet Music By Kevin Leman

I wish that there was an older married woman that I had found as a mentor. It wasn't until a few years ago that I found the verse Titus 2:4-5

"Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

The success or happiness of a marriage is not determined by age, it is determined by the work and time that is invested into it. A 19 year old willing to invest time and energy into creating a successful marriage can end up with a much more successful marriage then a 50 year old getting married with unrealistic expectations.

Forgive and Forget

 

Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” In other words, when we decide to forgive our husband for a wrong that he did we are showing love to him and creating an atmosphere for love in our marriage. When we choose to remind ourselves and our husband over and over about the wrong we start to build a wall that destroys the oneness that we should have with our husband. When we continue to repeat the offense in our minds or conversation we are keeping ourselves stuck in a hurtful event and keeping our marriage from moving forward in the way that God designed.

In Experiencing God Day by Day, Henry and Richard Blackaby write, “Bitterness has a tenacious way of taking root deep within the soul and resisting all efforts to weed it out…Time, rather than diminishing the hurt, only seems to sharpen the pain… You find yourself rehearsing the offense over and over again, each time driving the root of bitterness deeper within your soul… Bitterness is easy to justify. You can get so used to a bitter heart that you are even comfortable with it, but it will destroy you. Only God is fully aware of its destructive potential.” When we should be offering forgiveness but instead are repeating the offense in our heart and mind over and over again we will become bitter. This includes repeating the offense to our friends or sisters or mom. I think so many women like to share the things that their husband does wrong as a way of nursing their hurts and getting others to feel sorry for them. This is not what we are called to as women following after God.

We are called to forgive as God forgives. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Think about that for a minute. If God has forgiven us and removed our sin “as far as the east is from the west” then he is not sitting and thinking about what we did wrong anymore. He isn’t talking to others about it. He isn’t feeling sorry for himself that we committed such a great wrong against him and he did nothing to deserve it. He has removed it from his mind and moved on in our relationship. He has restored us to right standing in his sight. I challenge you to think if you are extending the same level of grace to your husband that God has extended to you. If not, take that step and see where God will take your marriage.