What is the Right Age for Marriage?

I was thinking about this yesterday. When I got married I was 19 and my husband was 23. We had "dated" since I was 14. I was actually not allowed to date until I was 16 so we became "boyfriend and girlfriend" when I was 14 but we only really saw each other at school, church, or with our families around. I could not ride in the car with him until my 16th birthday and by that time he was 19! I was so frustrated by that at the time, but now 15 years later (and with 3 daughters of my own) I understand my parents reasons.

When we got married I heard a lot of comments about how we were so young to be getting married. My mom was engaged when she was still in high school to my dad so there wasn't much she could say that I was going to listen to. It had worked out for them.

I can't say that our marriage has been perfect. We have faced a LOT of struggles. Some from my husband and a lot from me. There were several months a few years ago when we weren't sure that our marriage was going to make it. But with the help of God, family, some good Christian counseling, and a lot of study on God and marriage, we have turned things around.

I can see some areas that had we been older when we had met and married might have been easier, but even with the struggles that we have been through I can honestly say that I don't think there is a magic age for marriage. The quality of a marriage and chance of a marriage surviving have nothing to do with the age of the couple getting married. But I do think it has everything to do with maturity and hard work.

I wish that every person who commented about me being "young to get married" would have instead spent that few seconds giving me guidance or a piece of advice or recommendation. We attended premarital counseling at our church, but looking back it was mainly talking about budgeting and who was going to complete what household duties. There was a little about communication, but overall not much help. And once we were married the counseling stopped and our meetings with our mentor couple that we had been assigned were finished.

I wish that I could go back and instead of spending so much time planning my wedding, I would have spent that time planning and working on my coming marriage! I would recommend to any woman getting married or who is already married the following books :

• Becoming the Woman of His Dreams By Sharon Jaynes
• The 5 Love Languages By Gary Chapman
• Sheet Music By Kevin Leman

I wish that there was an older married woman that I had found as a mentor. It wasn't until a few years ago that I found the verse Titus 2:4-5

"Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

The success or happiness of a marriage is not determined by age, it is determined by the work and time that is invested into it. A 19 year old willing to invest time and energy into creating a successful marriage can end up with a much more successful marriage then a 50 year old getting married with unrealistic expectations.

Focus T25 Week 1

I am loving this fitness program. The workouts are nonstop and can be intense, but being only 25 minutes really keeps me motivated to keep going. I am sore each day but not the level of sore where I can barely get out of bed. I have also been working to eat a little healthier. But I'll be perfectly honest, I am not following the nutrition plan and I am still having pop and some sweets!

Quote for the Day

"We must remind ourselves, for our good, and for the good of others, that forgiveness is not a feeling. Indeed, forgiveness is a purposeful decision - an act of the will not dependent on our emotions. No matter what has been done to us, or how badly it hurts, we must forgive because of this inescapable and profound truth: God has forgiven us all the more."

- from How to Forgive...When You Don't Feel Like It by June Hunt -

Started T25

For my 30th birthday I got Focus T25! I am excited because I really enjoyed P90X and completed Insanity but am having such a tough time consistently getting an hour a day to exercise. And it definitely is showing! With this program all I need is 25 minutes. My husband and I completed the first workout today and I am excited for the rest of the 10 weeks. We started in the middle of the day today so tomorrow morning I will be taking my measurements and pictures to keep track of my results.

Forgive and Forget

 

Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” In other words, when we decide to forgive our husband for a wrong that he did we are showing love to him and creating an atmosphere for love in our marriage. When we choose to remind ourselves and our husband over and over about the wrong we start to build a wall that destroys the oneness that we should have with our husband. When we continue to repeat the offense in our minds or conversation we are keeping ourselves stuck in a hurtful event and keeping our marriage from moving forward in the way that God designed.

In Experiencing God Day by Day, Henry and Richard Blackaby write, “Bitterness has a tenacious way of taking root deep within the soul and resisting all efforts to weed it out…Time, rather than diminishing the hurt, only seems to sharpen the pain… You find yourself rehearsing the offense over and over again, each time driving the root of bitterness deeper within your soul… Bitterness is easy to justify. You can get so used to a bitter heart that you are even comfortable with it, but it will destroy you. Only God is fully aware of its destructive potential.” When we should be offering forgiveness but instead are repeating the offense in our heart and mind over and over again we will become bitter. This includes repeating the offense to our friends or sisters or mom. I think so many women like to share the things that their husband does wrong as a way of nursing their hurts and getting others to feel sorry for them. This is not what we are called to as women following after God.

We are called to forgive as God forgives. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Think about that for a minute. If God has forgiven us and removed our sin “as far as the east is from the west” then he is not sitting and thinking about what we did wrong anymore. He isn’t talking to others about it. He isn’t feeling sorry for himself that we committed such a great wrong against him and he did nothing to deserve it. He has removed it from his mind and moved on in our relationship. He has restored us to right standing in his sight. I challenge you to think if you are extending the same level of grace to your husband that God has extended to you. If not, take that step and see where God will take your marriage.

30th Update

Well, I have not been updating like I had planned. A definite sign that I have not been on track!! I do have some boxes of things to donate, but they have been sitting in my hallway now and have not made it out of my house yet. Two weeks ago I exercised 4 days. The last day was with a personal trainer - and I could barely move for the next 3 days so I didn't exercise at all. Not a good idea, because I haven't worked out since and my next appointment with her is this Thursday.

I have been doing a much better job at reading my Bible and praying. I have also improved on praying for my husband over the past week.

I was going to post a picture of my living room or kitchen counters to show my progress in the cleaning department, but that would be WAY too embarrassing at this moment.

Basically, I have a lot to go in the last 4 days of my 21 day plan!

I did start to read a book I am enjoying called, The Clutter Diet by Lorie Marrero. I am only a few chapters in but the book is making a lot of sense. The goal is not only to de-clutter and get organized, but to determine what the reasons are for the problem in the first place so it doesn't just repeat itself. I would love any tips or recommendations on de-cluttering and organizing if anyone would like to pass some along.

Now I need to get back to work and clear my counters!

Bikini Season

For the past few months I have been noticing the bathing suit section has made its way back into all the stores. This has got me thinking. Every year when the bathing suits show back up and the weather starts to hint that the snow is going to melt and warm weather will be coming soon I start to hear lots of talk of “Bikini Season”. Women start to worry about losing those extra pounds from the winter so they will be beach ready.

This got me thinking: who are we trying to impress? Many wives allow themselves to gain weight over the winter months when we are bundled up in huge sweaters and bulky coats. Then when bathing suit season and shorts weather is around the corner there is a huge panic to lose the weight to be ready for the summer clothing. What about our husbands who look at us all year round? The man who sees us with no clothing, not just little clothing. What message are we sending to the man in our life when we let our bodies go, even just a little, when they will be the only ones looking? Then warm weather hits and we stress to exercise and tighten things up a little so we can feel confident in our bathing suits.

Think what good we could do for our husband and our marriage if we worked to keep ourselves in shape all year. If we didn’t have those 3 or 4 months of feeling bad about the way we looked and less confident with our husbands. Think of how much more we could enjoy things and our husbands could enjoy us if we focused on looking our best for him instead of the rest of the world.

I know some people think that our husbands shouldn’t be so shallow and that he should think we look good no matter what. But to be perfectly honest, I know my husband appreciates and enjoys my body more when I am not holding onto the extra weight. And part of it is that I feel slightly more confident and let him enjoy it more when I feel better about myself.

My husband should be the one person that I am working to impress. I have realized the past few months that I have gotten sloppy. I clean as a job right now and so my clothes are ugly comfortable jeans and a company t-shirt. Some days I end up wearing this all day long, even when I am home and could easily change into something my husband would like. I also end up with my hair in a ponytail and no makeup. I feel gross. Sometimes I don’t work until the end of the day but I end up looking like this all day anyway or I get home and shower and have my pajamas on right after dinner. This is not the way I should look for my husband. This is not the effort that he deserves from the woman he is going to be looking at for the rest of his life.

He deserves better and I am going to give him better!